


Bananas

by IRegretNothingAndEverything



Series: Fruit Crimes [2]
Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: G-Man is a fuckin nerd, Gordon's allergy is very mild, Just in general, it's not life threatening, non-human gordon freeman, someone help these two nerds, this is a fun fic not an angst one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:16:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27532123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IRegretNothingAndEverything/pseuds/IRegretNothingAndEverything
Summary: Gordon Freeman is allergic to bananas. This does not stop him from consuming large amounts of fruit in the middle of the night, even when that fruit is bananas.No-one tells G-Man that Gordon is allergic to bananas. To be fair, everyone assumes that G-Man, in the G-Man way, already knows. G-Man does not. G-Man also enables Gordon's late night fruit binges.This is a collective mistake.
Series: Fruit Crimes [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2012311
Comments: 10
Kudos: 109





	Bananas

**Author's Note:**

> Would like to say again, this is not angst about Gordon's allergy, this is fun random bullshit, and the allergy is very mild. Gordon is a fiend.

There were a few things one needed to know if they were to understand the circumstances that lead up to this exact moment. 

The first? Gordon Freeman had a problem with late night eating. Not a problem because it impacted his health, but rather a problem because it inconvenienced everyone else, as Gordon would get up in the middle of the night, eat large quantities of fruit, and then go back to sleep with no remorse. 

The second? Gordon Freeman was mildly allergic to bananas. He found this fact about due to an unfortunate circumstance in which he woke up in the middle of the night, ate twelve bananas, went back to sleep, and woke up covered in hives. 

He put together everything. He also knew he should tell the others the fact that he was allergic to bananas. The other thought was that this moment would be the biggest walk of shame that Gordon would ever have to go through in his life. Gordon decided to make a note for later, to remind himself to tell the others this fun little fact, and then went about his day hiding the remaining hives from the group. 

A few months later he told them, they remembered the incident, and the gentle, loving bullying Gordon had tried to avoid still came. 

They figured the allergy only tended to be this bad if Gordon had a large amount of bananas, and got him epi-pens for the future, in case Gordon, in Gordon fashion, forgot. 

The third was that G-Man tended to just know things, which lead to the unfortunate circumstance that the group tended to forget to tell G-Man things. G-Man usually made up for this by knowing in whatever G-Man way that G-Man knew things, but there were still some things that slipped through the cracks. 

Such as Gordon’s newly realized allergy. 

And finally, that G-Man was the person that tended to... enable the late night fruit binges. 

G-Man could manipulate time and space. It was a simple matter of duplicating the fruit that Gordon was going to go for that night, hiding half for the rest of the inhabitants of the house, and allowing Gordon to eat fruit in the middle of the night without causing the others to be without because of it. 

It was also a good way to get rid of fruit for when it was getting close to getting too ripe, and no one seemed to be eating it. It was... like a human garbage disposal. 

Which, of course, lead to this. 

G-Man innocently duplicating the bananas, and accidentally not hiding the half as well as G-Man could have, and then disappearing to watch over the house, as G-Man did, as Gordon shuffled into the room for some fruit. 

And when Gordon saw the bananas, he knew a few things. There were a lot of bananas here, they were getting a bit too ripe, and no one was gonna eat that many this quickly. 

Other than him. 

So of course, what’s a man to do but eat many bananas? 

Which backfired as he finished them, a small pile of banana peels he was planning on sweeping into the trash when he finished next to him, and a cup of water in one hand, as the itchiness began, and Gordon began to remember. 

That’s why he doesn’t eat bananas.  
Of course, he knew where his epi-pen was, he knew he would be fine, he just had to set down his cup and go to his room, and deal with it. 

Except the variable here was that G-Man was watching over them in that moment, and G-Man... didn’t actually know what allergies were. 

See, G-Man’s non human abilities meant whatever G-Man ate was just... absorbed. There was nothing that G-Man’s body couldn’t handle, and G-Man tended not to spend too much time around humans, other than the human adjacent bunch that G-Man had essentially adopted. So G-Man had no real... reference for what was happening when these bright spots began to appear on Gordon’s arms. 

Of course G-Man was going to appear in a panic. 

“Woah, G!” Gordon jumped slightly, as G-Man grabbed his arm, careful but urgent, eyes darting across the hives forming. 

“What... is this?” G-Man asked carefully, and Gordon sighed softly, patting G-Man’s hand. 

“It’s, it’s fine, just hives, it’s an allergic reaction, I forgot I’m allergic to bananas, we can just go to my room and get the epi-pen.” Of course G-Man would warp reality around them to deal with that, getting them into Gordon’s room with the blink of an eyes, and Gordon looked around, then shook his head slightly. “Alright then, well.” 

Gordon searched through his drawer, pulling out on of the epi-pens and looked to G-Man, who was watching carefully. 

Well when a teaching moment arises... 

Of course, G-Man was a good listener, and Gordon thought of himself a good teacher, even when it was something as simple as an epi-pen, which had directions along the side. 

It was fine. Everything was fine. 

They sat there, waiting for the medicine to take effect, and Gordon looked to G-Man. “We don’t have to tell anyone this happened.”

“No...” 

“This was a collective mistake, and no one but us needs to know.” 

“Of course not.” 

Gordon smiled slightly, nodding, and G-Man sent a rare smile towards him, which Gordon returned. 

This calm, of course, was shattered as they realized they hadn’t cleaned up the mess in the kitchen, just as Coomer’s bedroom door clicked open.

**Author's Note:**

> Fruit crimes !


End file.
